Life – Getting Stuff Off My Chest

Very Strong Words (Read with caution)

I hate how things have become. No one wants to listen anymore (for the most part), and those that do, are the successful people. Those are the happy people that surround themselves with similar individuals, welcoming small talk and conversation. I really wish that times were getting better, but the exact opposite is in affect.

It’s ridiculous that I can’t relate to anyone anymore, not even to people around me. No, I’m not alone and I’m quite personable, but it feels that way sometimes you know? There I was, just sitting there silent because my friends are ignorantly dismissing God, by saying religion fades as you age. It’s more than a phase, and it reaches out to you even when you go astray (You can’t put an age on anything in retrospect). I should have spoken up, but I was beyond disappointed and furious, I didn’t know what to do with myself at the time.

I hate it when I try to convince myself to allow someone back into my circle. All that ever does is make things feel better initially, but the caution you should take in those situations comes with good reasoning. Literally, unless something major occurs or the person has an epiphany and proves they have parted from their bad habits, they will not change. Not because you have the confidence in them to, and not because you hope so or want them to. They have to look within their heart and soul, and formulate the message to their thought process. What am I doing with my life? Why am I running into the same walls? Will the pain or frustration ever go away? Questions that you ask but procrastinate when it comes to solutions and improvement.

I’m noticing the world is turning into a dark place, where the egos are getting bigger and the criticism is constantly personal. Why the hell do I walk on eggshells? Why should I avoid confrontation when I have done my diligent research? I am a student of life, and I try to learn as many different topics and subjects that come to mind, and I jump into it as if it were my career. I am not an expert of everything, but I am an expert of a few things that I just will not back down from. I pick and choose when to speak, therefore demonstrating time-consuming intelligence and insight. By doing so, it makes what I have to say important, because I am not someone that chooses to speak to simply hear myself talk. There are many that do want to hear themselves, and they remain stubborn in their egotistical ways.

Whether I’m sharing information, discussing a topic, or writing lyrics or an entry to my blog, I do what I can to speak in general terms because opinions are personal. If someone wants to know my opinion they can ask, but optimism and cooperation have decayed. I try to be a voice of the people. In no way do I represent every person, shape, or form, but I do camouflage with people and places. I tend to fit in as a voice of reason, like a mediator, rotating in the nucleus. I care about every little detail, and I give you the spotlight and attention to express yourself. I allow you to speak because I am a good listener, and I like to think that I am decent enough to actually care. Sure, you can assume that I’m full of shit or withholding some hidden agenda, but I am what you see and I mean what I say. Perhaps anything that is out there is possible to an extent. If you can think it, I could see someone believing in it.

Anyways, good things happen to good people. What is a good person though? Well, in my eyes, a good person is genuine when they have something to say, and possibly sugar coat some form of truth if they are concerned with something, or someone. No, I don’t sugar coat every single statement, even if it is awkward, but it is a way to ease in constructive criticism and feedback. No, I didn’t have the best day of my life today (More-so mentally I would say), actually one of the worst days I have had in quite some time. I have been jobless for a few months now. I am approaching the age of 25. I still live at home with my parents, my brother, and my dog (All whom I love unconditionally). I can’t afford school. I have a music dream that is a dream indeed. Again, I am as optimistic as they come, but at the moment I do not want to go to Los Angeles or New York to make it in music; I would like to build and expand in my hometown of San Diego. It has been a goal of mine and I’ve been doing so for ten years. I have been writing poetry and song lyrics, playing around with different deliveries and my vocals, even reading books to master my craft. My writing has certainly taken off with lyrics and a blog, but I am losing interest in terms of communicating directly with people.

I can partake in any conversation’s subject really, but I do not pretend to know things that I don’t. If I have taken the time to look something up, I will participate in a discussion and possibly elaborate. I do not have a college degree, and my resume does not have the most work experience you can find. What I do have is a big heart and a desire to relate to you on multiple levels. It humors me to see how the Republican and Democratic Parties have traded perspective, and also how politically correct is now politically incorrect. From a Christian nation to a careless nation, we deserve everything that is coming our way. This is the “Reality Era,” where kids are much more “mature” and teenagers are “ahead of the curve” of recent history. I just think we’re either too sheltered or too exposed. Being in my twenties, Generation X is what we are classified as, and we are looked down on as a rude and lazy. It’s sad that I completely agree. There is word that Generation X is supposedly the most mature group ever, because of our economic depression and the adversity we have been through. Experience is essential to life, but wisdom and education are just as important. That is the triangular foundation we need, as far as ethics and morals go, but we choose to be selfish and blind as a whole. Yeah, you can act like you know-it-all but I doubt others buy into it…and you will end up alone.

I am at a crossroads in my life, where I am being pushed out of my comfort zones. Suddenly, I’m not satisfied with taking a backseat because somebody feels like talking. If they are mistaken or blind, I will shed some light and “call them out” on the spot. It can be avoided, which I usually do, but enough is enough and I have held back for too long.  If you think this is irrelevant or that I am making a big deal about nothing, you are wrong and I will pray for you. Pray, because I trust in God and believe in Heaven. Pray, because I will no longer surround myself with you unless you take action with your life. Sooner or later, the veil will be lifted and you will awaken. Preferably sooner, but you have to do it for yourself.

Everyone wants to be heard, but consider where you give your attention because there is just not enough time in a day. Obviously, I fall short of perfection with flaws and mistakes, but I will leave you with little doubt when/if we cross paths.